


On the Rocks

by Tsula



Category: One Piece
Genre: Comedy, Crack, F/M, Luffy Being Luffy, Multi, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-03-28 23:38:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3874198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsula/pseuds/Tsula
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You really should have expected as much from him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On the Rocks

**Author's Note:**

> Just something silly I've been picking at for a bit. Tired of holding on to it. xD

No matter how many times you witnessed the marvel of the Grandline’s weather fluctuations, it still managed to take you by surprise every now and then. Not two hours ago there had been a blizzard dumping snow onto the ship with chill winds that almost froze the crew to the deck. It was a head spinning contrast to the sudden and blistering heat that had melted the ice into puddles and felt like it was melting you right along with them.

You couldn’t even keep ice in your drinks. So you had opted to forgo it entirely as they just kept watering everything down and instead you used whiskey stones—rather fitting for the fact that it was whiskey you were actually drinking. They held their temperature much longer than the ice had and were easily switched out when they lost their chill. It was a win-win that you desperately needed as the sweltering heat left you positively limp and exhausted under the shade of Nami’s orange trees. 

Inside or out the temperature was horrible, but at least outside you had the ocean breeze. 

Most of the crew had retired inside, with only Usopp up in the crow’s nest and Luffy laying prostrate on the deck bemoaning the heat. 

Though, when you glanced down to check on him again—worried that he might cook himself in the sun—he was gone. You had only a moment to wonder if he hadn’t finally joined the others inside before he plopped down by your feet, laying face up towards the sky. 

“So hooooooot~” He whined and you patted his leg sympathetically in response. 

Your poor captain did not do well with extreme heat, he was nearly as beaten down by it as Chopper in fact—who was nearly unconscious from it. 

“Hopefully it will clear up soon.” You murmured while wiping the dripping beads of sweat from your face with the cool, wet glass. It felt slightly better doing so, but the drink was starting to get warm. Soon you’d have to go get another set of stones. 

You glanced down at Luffy and caught a confusing look passing over his face. He was looking right at you and you couldn’t understand the look—he seemed befuddled and even a little shocked. 

“What’s wrong?” Your question had him switching his gaze to look you in the eye.

“Why are you drinking rocks?” He asked and the confusion in his tone nearly made you choke with laughter. 

Rather than correct him, or even try to explain it, you took a drink and shrugged. It was too damn hot to try and rationalize anything, especially to Luffy. “Ice revolted against mankind, so I am using rocks to cool my drink.”

“IT DID!?” Once again your urge to laugh nearly choked you, but somehow you pushed it back and kept your face mostly devoid of any telling expression.

“Yep. You need to read the news more often.” You stated evenly and he sat up suddenly with a look of determination on his face before he jumped down and vanished inside. 

Only then did you allow yourself a snicker at his expense. Luffy could believe things so easily and it just made him even cuter as far as you were concerned. 

You leaned back against the tree, watching the clouds roll in and hoping that the heat would let up soon. Even a monsoon would be better than the triple digit heat wave. As you watched them loom closer you wondered at what Luffy might be planning in response to the ‘ice revolution’. Several amusing ideas came to mind, but none lived up to what he actually did. 

As the heat started to taper off a little under the cover of the clouds Luffy came back out wearing the worst excuse for armor you had ever seen. It looked like a bunch of pots and pans held together with string, which it probably was. Frankly the outfit looked like something a child would create. 

“Luffy, what are you doing?” Usopp asked looking rather stunned at his captain’s outfit. He must have come down from the crow’s nest when you weren’t looking.

“The ice has revolted!” Luffy declared bravely, looking ready for a fight. “Meaning no ice cream until we win the war!” 

You really did choke this time, both at his logic and the look on Usopp’s face. Luffy sighed, shaking his head as if your sudden giggle fit were some sort of sad side effect and this just baffled Usopp even more. You couldn’t breathe for the laughter bubbling up in your chest. 

And his next statement just made it worse: "Her rock drink is affecting her brain." 

The fact that he sounded so sure and almost knowledgeable in saying this really slayed you. Naturally, the sound of you cracking up drew the ever loving chef out of the kitchen to check on the situation. 

"My princess~~ you're beautiful laughter has summoned your prince~!" He cried happily, only to stop suddenly and gawk at Luffy's attire. "What the—? Are those my pans!?" 

Luffy’s eyes slid to the side and so did his mouth as he started to whistle—badly. It was one of his very telling signs when it came to lying. “No~” 

Sanji bristled at the obvious lie, seeming to tower over the oblivious pirate whose eyes were shifting from the side of the ship to you very quickly. He wasn’t even looking at the immediate danger the angry chef presented. As though he thought if he looked at you enough times he would be safe. 

It was rather underhanded for someone like him, whether he knew the effect it would have or not. You could hardly just let him get his ass beaten, especially since you were the one who put the whole ‘ice revolution’ idea in his head to begin with. 

You sighed in defeat. There was no way around it; you were going to have to save him. “Sanji?”

His response was instantaneous: he spun around with his arms wide open as if trying to will you right into them. “Yes, my darling~~?” 

You held up your glass with a smile. “Any chance we still have some cold stones? My drink is warm again.” 

He leapt up to you in a manner that was both graceful and flamboyant as he held down his hand to pluck the drink gently from your fingers. “Of course, my sweet princess, I shall fix that right away!”

And off he went, totally forgetting about his anger with Luffy for the time being.

Luffy let out a sigh of relief.

“You might want to run,” You warned him with an indulgent smile. “He won’t be distracted long.” 

There was no need to tell him twice as he bolted, making enough clanking noises from his make-shift armor to raise the dead. 

Literally, as it turned out. Brooke was suddenly sitting nearby with his long legs draped over the side as his sipped at a cup of tea. It seemed he intended to join you in watching Luffy’s frantic and hilarious escape attempt.

Sanji leapt back up to you, handing over a freshly chilled glass of whiskey before he shot after Luffy like a bullet. 

The chase was short lived, but ultimately amusing as Luffy led the irate chef around the ship twice before tripping over his armor and sliding into the wall with a loud bang. 

Sanji stood over the dazed pirate scowling and ready to inflict some damage. “Anything to say for yourself, Luffy?”

“I was just trying to save the ice cream!” Luffy whined with a sullen pout and this statement was enough to stun Sanji into not beating the crap out of him just yet. 

“…What?” 

Luffy sat up and began to explain. “Well all the ice revolted against us, meaning we will have to eat rocks for dessert unless we show them who is boss and get back all our ice cream!” 

You snorted into your whiskey—not the most pleasant feeling, but damn it if Luffy’s story didn’t get more hilarious with each explanation. It was too hard _not_ to laugh. 

“Where did you come up with that!?” Sanji was beyond confused at this point—this was too much even for Luffy!

Luffy replied by pointing squarely at you and directing Sanji’s attention at where you sat looking bemused. 

You held up your glass in a toasting gesture as you smiled at the flabbergasted chef. This was about the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard from his crazy captain. “Totally my fault, sorry Sanj.”

Sanji’s shoulders slumped as he hung his head. Knowing that you were behind all this mayhem made it basically impossible for him to go about his plan of beating some sense into Luffy. He knew very well that you’d end up feeling guilty about it if he did. 

“If you want armor, go have Franky make you some.” He seethed, yanking one of his pots off Luffy’s head. “Don’t use my cookware!”

“Okay!” Luffy proclaimed happily, tossing down the pots and pans before running below deck to badger Franky about armor. 

You shook your head with a smile as he took off, feeling a bit better in knowing that he was at least no longer in trouble with Sanji. It seemed too much to hope that he wouldn’t get in trouble again over this ‘ice revolution’, but for the time being you were content.

Just when you thought things were going to settle down though, Luffy came right back up the stairs with a grin. His arm shot out for you before you could move and suddenly you were flung towards him. He caught you easily enough in his arms at least—sparing you the pain of landing elsewhere—but your drink was not so lucky. 

Your scowling over this was met with his boyish grin. “Franky can make you armor too~ we’ll rescue the ice cream together!” 

His statement and smile were just too adorable for you to really get mad at him. However, Sanji got mad enough for the both of you as Luffy darted back downstairs with you in his arms. 

The door didn’t even have time to close before the chef practically exploded at Luffy’s manhandling—lord knows he didn’t care _that much_ about one lost glass or a little spilled booze. Luffy flinging you across the ship and carrying you off like his bride though? Yeah, that was something that would absolutely piss him off.

“LUFFY!!!”

So much for him not being in trouble. Sanji was going to hunt him down for this.


End file.
